Moonlit Tears
by Aquiel
Summary: Told from Chakotay's P.O.V. Someone he cares for very deeply is hurting, and he would do anything to take away her pain


Author's Note: This story deals with mature subject matter. While nothing explicit is contained in the story, what is 'implied' may be difficult for some readers. 

The lyrics at the end of this story come from a beautiful song called _"Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel)"_ by Billy Joel

## _Moonlit Tears_

By: Kathryn Murphy

January 13 1999

Rated: R

_Someday we'll all be gone But lullabies go on and on..._

_They never die That's how you_

_And I Will be_

_*^*_

I knew the minute I walked through those doors, that something wasn't right. The way you held your head, even the way you moved was enough to make me stop. When you finally lifted your eyes to mine, the sparkle of light that I have come to expect was gone, replaced by a look that will haunt me forever.

  
Putting down the PADD I had been working with, I got up and moved to where you stood, leaning against the doorframe. Your eyes were once again drawn to the floor, and then to the wall behind my head; anywhere but me. For the longest time, I wondered why you wouldn't look at me that day; was it because you thought I would be angry at you? If nothing else, I would have been angry at myself, for letting this happen. 

I'm still not sure why you didn't look.

Minutes had passed since you opened the door, and still the silence hung around the room. "Kathryn" I questioned, my voice begging for a reaction, my eyes searching for yours. When you didn't answer, I moved closer, bringing my hand to your face, lifting your chin, so I could see you. When you caught my questioning look, you lifted your small hand to my face, and smiled. 

And I could see tears in your eye.

You tried, Gods know you did, but that bright smile you wore, was never the same after that. You tried your hardest to pretend nothing happened, or at least that you weren't bothered by what did happen. But you fooled no one. I could see the pain hidden behind that armor, the pain you needed to keep to herself. But I knew what was wrong.

You were just trying to protect me.

The first time I woke to your cries, it scared the hell out of me. I sat straight up in my bed, my heart pounding in my chest like never before. I had visions of you, being attacked by some wild animal, or worse. 

Making my way through the darkened cabin, I moved to your side, kneeling beside the bed, whispering in the darkness. The first few times, you woke up, recovering quickly, shaking my hand off your shoulder. And the look in your blue eyes always scared me. 

And that thought crosses my mind, as I make my way to your bedside tonight; your soft cries carrying a little more urgency then the night before. My heart pounds in my ear, so loud I'm sure you can hear, as I kneel by your side. 

"Kathryn" I whispered, my voice trembling. "Kathryn, I'm here." You're head moves violently from side to side, you hair lay tousled on the pillow. Raising my hand, I gently place it on your shoulder, as I have done many time before, kneading your tensed muscles, urging you to come back to me.

"Just listen to my voice. I'll bring you back, I'll protect you. I promise. I'll hold you when you're afraid, or when you're sad. I'll always be there for you. You will never be alone again."

I repeat what I do every other night, as you slowly come back from your hell, and I wait quietly, expecting you to push my hand away, as you do so often, but tonight you do something different. You don't push me away. 

I can hear your ragged breathing, almost see your chest rising and falling with the intake of every breath. The moonlight sneaking in past the coverings on the window, are casting their pale color on the two of us, allowing me a glimpse of the fear in your eyes.

"Kathryn, it's Chakotay." 

And then you really scare me; you start to cry.

In an instant you're in my arms, and I'm in heaven and hell, relieved that you've finally let me in, but at the same time, wishing it were all a dream.

And that night, as you whispered your secrets in my ear, I wished more then anything in my life that I could take away your pain, the embarrassment you were feeling; but I could only hold you and tell you everything was going to be alright.

And now, as you lay in my arms, your body trembling as I hold you, I think only of those who have hurt you, who have taken what you weren't ready to give. 

They have left a permanent scar on your soul, one that no doctor can heal, and that thought alone is enough to bring me to my knees.

"shhhh, it's ok now baby ." I whisper gently, straining to keep the pain from my voice. "I won't let them hurt you any more. I promise."

And Kathryn holds me, while I cry for the both of us.

Fine

  
_Goodnight, my angel_


End file.
